A few weeks ago ( in fact it may be about a month ) I went off to a photoshoot, equipment in hand feeling quite unsure about myself and the picture I take. Now I have read that this happens at certain stages, this self doubt, this drained lack of self confidence but that did not make me feel any better, and did not bring any comfort.
So on I ventured forward that morning feeling less encouraged than I should have, I had however resolved that I would treat it as something of a learning day, pay attention to my weaknesses and address them, and when in doubt about something I was doing I would make a point of paying close attention to it and find the time to work on these issues as they arose.
I can be ery self critical at times and this lead to a day where virtually every photo I looked at I found fault with, to much light, to little light, wrong pose, bad timing, something where it shouldn’t be and so my list grew and so my day went. By days end I think I was pretty low, I felt that even though my photos were adequate they were not more, and this upset me.
The sun was starting to set and I had one last shoot, I looked up at the setting sun and thought to myself that I was going to struggle with what was needed with this set. You know what? I was wrong from the moment I took the my first photo everything seems to just go brilliantly, the models chemistry was perfect , lighting was spot on and background turned out to be better than I thought it would.
Finally I wrapped up the days work, got in my car and started the drive back home. There was one distinct change however in my mood, I was no longer feeling the self doubt but rather the thrill of remembering why I do what I do. I had a grin from ear to ear and knew I was doing the right thing.
Once home I had another look through the days photos and I realised that while some photos were not as good as they should be, other were better than the average I thought they were.
In some way this day in particular has helped me realise just how acidic self doubt can be, its something we all struggle with at times. Knowing this I now look at these moments of self doubt as a time to work on what causes this doubt some things are easier to get out the way than other, thats simply the way it goes. I accept the moments of self doubt for what they are, moments that will pass.